I’m thinking of quitting my job. Yes, again. This is the eighth or so position that I have held in the past four years. I was on the incline for a while, but now I’m definitely on the decline. I can’t teach kids. Especially now that I have a new pet that needs food. This salary is just not good enough. I need something substantial—something kind of full time. I’m 24 years old, and I have crawled back into my shell after three years of complete financial independence. What is wrong with me?
I need to lose weight, for sure. Maybe that’s part of the problem. How am I supposed to get myself hyped up and ready to go when I’m thirty pounds heavier? I wish my boobs would melt away first. Men expect you to be cute when you have them—not smart. Maybe that’s my problem. I have encountered too many people who get a fixed idea of who I am by my appearance. That makes sense—especially now that I am a complete recluse. Stop looking at me like that, creep-ball—I quit and will threaten you by hiding out in my room with large chunks of brie cheese.
Well, maybe it’s not completely like that. I spend a lot of time on the phone. I also saw an old friend last week. We got lunch, drinks, and coffee. I liked the drinks better than the rest of it. I forgot how much I like drinks. I think I should be sedated from now on to make me dumb enough to tolerate the men that I end up working for. I remember this girl from college who was thirty something who would carry around a flask everywhere she went. I don’t think I could go so far… but maybe someday, when I realize all my dreams have been derailed by people preventing me from achieving them in a deliberate attempt to be as douche-baggy as possible… It could happen. This isn’t a future foretold or anything. I just know my reality more than you do, Boss. Don’t try to tell me it’s like this when everything in my being says it’s like that. Do you have my eyes? Are you in my skin? Do you have a pair of my shoes on? No. I do. Notice that I said “I.” When I say something, listen carefully. I’m not trying to hypnotize you with my voice in order to make you look at my chest. My mouth does not open up and spew magically cute things all of the time either. No, I’m not a lesbian because my brow is contorted rather seriously. There are times when the world doesn’t revolve around you-YOU-you. Go star in a porno! I intend to keep my blouse and my mind on.