Part of me grows. Part of me stays the same. The bigger part, I think. I feel so much calmer tonight than I did last night. Maybe it is time, perspective, or just exhaustion. I wish I could extricate this constant and persistent thought of him. It is always present, no matter what. It isn’t even really of him because it has been there much longer than he has. Since the beginning. The hims change and get replaced but thoughts just continue. What would my mind look like without them? This year has been a turning point for so many things. I just hope that I continue to push myself and try my hardest to resist the idea that nothing can really change. Patterns have not yet been broken but that doesn’t mean they can’t be. My roommate’s dog is barking. I can’t help but feel bad for it. I don’t want to get so attached to it, but I can’t help it. Maybe I just need to embrace my ability to love things and try to make it a positive thing.