I just had a really bad dream. In my old house my dad had a den with two huge lazyboy chairs that he would go into and watch his gigantic collection of dvds and vhs. In the beginning of my life, they were my dad and mom’s chairs. Then they became his and my chairs.
In my dream I knew my dad was dead but I was at my old house and I walked into the kitchen and opened the door to the den. Inside I had a giant blanket of mine and a bunch of pillows and there was nothing in my dad’s chair. Apparently I had gone in there at some point and been with my dad but then it occurred to me in the dream that he was really dead and I could never go in there again and I could never watch movies with him. Then I left the room and looked around the kitchen for some food. After I made something, I opened the door slowly to take one last peek inside, and I saw him sitting there in the chair, but looking dead. So I turned around, rubbed my eyes, looked back inside and he was still there.
I took a nap at like 6 pm when I got home from work and that’s what I woke up to.
What else that’s bothering me is that all this week Drew was all excited about going to the beach, couldn’t wait to go to the beach, blah blah blah. Even this morning before I went to work he was going to find out if his mom was going to the beach or not, and we decided that we were gonna go regardless cause I have enough money for gas. So he calls me at 3 pm (because I have yelled at him so much recently for not telling me where he’s going while I’m at work because he doesn’t have a cellphone so if he doesn’t tell me, I don’t feel like calling around to all of my friends trying to figure out where the hell he is) to tell me he’s going to go listen to Ben Waldman jam with Segway. So I asked if he still wanted to go to the beach and he goes “uhhhh…. no. I just want male bonding time.”
So I tried to find something to do but realized I was too tired to really care, and fell asleep around 6 pm. I wake up to no call from Drew, no texts, anything 9 hours after we’ve talked. And this bothers me because he should be sleeping with me and all I wanna do is get a hug and have someone tell me that it’s okay.
That dream was the most fucked up one I’ve had in a long time, and I keep randomly crying for like 2-3 minutes then stopping. UGH.